Hello All: Long distance relationships (LDRs) are vastly understudied yet seems to be increasing or on an upswing lately. I must admit that technological advancements have made it easier to keep and stay in touch. So many questions, yet so few answers on the common challenges associated with LDRs. Well…

Dami, starts the conversation by capturing the genesis LDRs…read, comment and post your questions. Join the chat on Facebook too (Relationships Matter Group).

"CAUGHT IN-BETWEEN".

I do not believe in “love at first sight”. You wouldn’t be wrong if you say love came looking for me. Sola and I became friends after a brief incident in our University days. In the process of scrambling for the front seat, I stepped on Sola’sinjured leg; he screamed with exaggerated terror that I was frozen with fear. I was shocked and did not know what next todo, I had attracted some attention. Like a bubble split, Iapologized as if my life depended on it. My words fluttered, I stammered and I was sorry.

‘Sit with me’, he said coolly and almost authoritative.

I could feel a rush of emotions sweep across my face. No doubt he fazed me. I wasn’t ready to sit with him but the seats I wanted were all taken so I sat with him resigned, and keeping a distant face. But he worked his charms on me and we’ve become good friends since then.

In our third year, second semester, on a Saturday night,after a film show at the school theatre, Sola walked me to my hostel and that was when he confessed his feelings for me. I was overwhelmed, apart from sola being a sought after, he is a good person in every sense of being good. I am not the sly type. I had always loved and prayed for him. I had good feelings about him. So I told him upfront, minced no word in telling him what I feel for him and our relationship took a new turn that night. We became inseparable except when we need be. We had our struggles but it was all fair. We were nominated for ‘likely to get married’, we won several couple’s awards, and we had moments of pure bliss. It was Shangri-La!

After our service year, life started taking a new turn; it was no more a roller-coaster. We had lots of issues. I wanted to be recognized in my career. He had once confessed my feisty tamed under innocent looks was his first attraction to me. I thought he had always known I would go all out for my job, but he obviously wanted a rather more subtle character in a wife and that was our first real struggle. And that is still not settled yet.

He asked me to dinner one night when he announced his intentions to travel out for his Masters degree. I love sola and I want him to go all out for his dreams, so I didn’t protest much but I was hurting and devastated. We had an informal introduction and he left a month after.

We had it going at first, several video calls, morning and night text messages, it all started fading as time went on. We became engrossed in our different pursuits and we both should take the fall for that. It has been three years now and he is done yet he has no plans to return to Nigeria soon. He has gotten a job and keeps talking about relocation. I love my job here in Nigeria, I enjoy what I do, I had never dreamt of relocating to another country. Still, I am a woman, the pressure is on me, Iand a male colleague are already getting close, I have a bridled affection for him and I’m wondering how long, just how long it is going to take before I let my emotions take over. Sola seems to hold no hope for me anymore.

So what do you think?

"One always loves the person who understands you." – Anais Nin

Relationship Ideas/Tips for COUPLES:

1. Bring her a glass of white grape juice in a goblet. Let her take a drink, then kiss her lips to taste it.
2. Rent a love story type movie to watch together.
3. Dedicate a song to her on the radio.
4. Sign the two of you for dance class.
5. Pray for each other.

Relationship Ideas/Tip for SINGLES:

1. Learn to dance.
2. Learn to enjoy ‘you’ time.
3. Appreciate yourself.
4. Be true to yourself.
5. Eliminate self doubt.

Friends, We need PEACE daily to navigate the difficult terrain of life. We have that PEACE in CHRIST.
I remember John Mark who taught us about the deep things of the Spirit in the late 80s and faintly remember attending one of the ECWA churches in the North.
We pray peace over the North of that Nation today.

Please pray and listen to this song (sang in Hausa).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xGb7weQM-kU
Peace!
‘Flo

Today, we celebrate Mothers who epitomize what it really means to be selfless, loving, caring, kind, sacrificial and much more. It’s a high risk, high reward vocation. We love you and appreciate you all. Happy Mother’s Day! Here are scriptures that you bring to life in your endeavors, interactions and much more.
Love, RDM

CHARACTER
Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not jealous; is not proud; is not conceited; does not act foolishly; is not selfish; is not easily provoked to anger; keeps no record of wrongs; takes no pleasure in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. ~I Corinthians 13:4-7

ACTION
Who can find a virtuous woman? She is far more precious than jewels…, Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come., She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue., She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle., Her sons rise up and call her blessed., He husband also praises her:, Many women are capable, but you surpass them all!, Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised., ~Proverbs 31:10, 25-30

OVEN
Psalm 139:13 ‘for you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

FAITHFUL
John 19:26-27 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home."

SACRIFICE
Mark 10:29-30 "I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields–and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.

HONOR
Matthew 15:4-6 For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’ But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, ‘Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,’ he is not to ‘honor his father ‘ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.

DIRECTION
Proverbs 1:8-9 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 6:20-21 My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck.

Proverbs 19:26-27 He who robs his father and drives out his mother is a son who brings shame and disgrace. Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.

Proverbs 23:22-24 Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding. The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.

Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, "Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.

UPRIGHT
Luke 1:5-6 In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly.

Image: Pinterest.com

Simply too cute. Happy Mother’s Day!! RDM

image: http://pinterest.com/pin/454582156108136615/

It’s All Coming Together

I have always had hare-brained ideas… right from childhood. From raising a hen as a pet (her name was Chikabiddy short shanks), raising a pair of rabbits as pets, seeking for adventure in a semi forest (after reading "The Adventures of Souza") to eating soap because it smelled so good!

My precious mother was happily available to support (some, never most) of my ideas and always encouraged my inquisitive mind to explore. As I grew older, thankfully, I began to pursue more reasonably mad schemes like say… quilting!

Hmmm… let me tell the story.. Once upon a time, I woke up with the brilliant idea that i needed to collect every single piece of my Mum’s George wrappers to make into a quilt. So i went to my mum (mind you, i was in University then) and asked her for pieces of her wrappers for my quilt. Now, for many of you who are not Igbo, Igbo women (in my mum’s generation that is) always cut out a piece of a new wrapper because they must attach a rope to ends of the wrapper to make tying it smoother! I honestly never understood the rationale of that but that seemed to be what my mum and my friend’s mums did!

Anyway back to my story, so… I was in luck! Mum gleefully brought out all the colourful pieces of Georges past and present. What a real treasure! She was excited that i wanted to do something so significant.She told me that quilts always tell a story, of love, of a family, a history of generations. She shared the story behind each piece of George. "That’s the one your father bought for me last Christmas. That’s the one your sister Stella bought for me with her first salary. That’s the one your brother Jovita bought for me when he was getting married and so on". So many stories…so many memories.

I was determined to do this right, so i started… and she would occasionally check in on me over the months to see my progress.

Now I was terribly lazy because quilting is no mean piece of work; each piece has to be matched to another..and you have to painstakenly sew the pieces together. Considering that patience wasn’t one of my virtues then, I abandoned the project midway. My Mum, God bless her soul, collected my half done attempt and the pieces and kept it away. In her wisdom, she knew that one day I would come back for it..that day when i needed to touch my past and make sense of my life journey…and that I did..

Today I sit on my bed… much older, much wiser, with these beautiful pieces of cloth strewn across my bed. I’ve realised that I don’t have the expertise to make this quilt, so i decided to get a professional to create these pieces of cloth into a work of art.

Our lives are like those pieces of cloth… each piece tells a story, some tell a story of betrayal, pain and death.. Others tell a story of joy, laughter, love and friendship. When we make puny attempts to piece our lives together; make sense of our life’s journey, we often fail miserably. We get tired, discouraged and depressed. It never seems to make sense, as each piece of the story seems so disconnected. Tell me how this terrible tragedy can be transformed into a beautiful story… tell me how the divorce paints a beautiful picture on the tapestry of her life.. How could the multiple miscarriages, or the bareness splash colour on the dull grayness of her life…

That;s why we need to take the disjointed and disconnected pieces of our lives to God..He is the Master Weaver.. No one knows best how to weave the terrible tragedies of our lives together with the glorious moments and create a beautiful tapestry of testimonies. Only He knows how to take the cancer, the depression, the loneliness, the son on drugs and weave to create a story that would shout a loud message to the world. Only Christ knows how to weave our tears into diamond drops on the quilt of our lives; creating such a sparkling radiance that the world stands still to look with awe..

Quilting takes time.. and often we don’t get to see the full picture until the very end..Therefore, trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding…..The Master Quilter is at work.. weaving through the tapestry of your life..it is a beautiful project.. and He always finishes what He starts… He won’t get impatient, nor tired; neither will He take a break. He is always at work in your life.
Trust Him..He is the Expert at this… no one does it best like Him… trust Him..sooner or later… your story , sorry your quilt will be ready for display.

Image source: Blogspot.com

There were three of them in the caucus and about seven or so all together – tall, handsome, engineering students, on heat for God, Fred, Gray and Ed. They were already the toast of the fellowship when I met them, and later became members of the fellowship executives – the almighty 35.

And there came I, not so hot for God on the surface, tall and awkward, and not very pretty, at a time when a ‘hot’ sister in the fellowship, Stacy, was going round telling people she had ‘received’ one of the three, Fred, the quiet, tall, dark, slim one, who I had worked with in the ushering unit and fallen in love with, and to me, the most handsome of them all. That very Fred, who in the quiet of my room, God told me would one day be my husband. People celebrated with Stacy, a hot sister (when I say hot, I mean fervent for God.) She matched Fred perfectly.

They would make an awesome couple.

Out of pure intimidation, I withdrew from the pressures within me, thinking and wondering if God had spoken or the devil. Wondering how I could be so sure, and so unsure.

Ed was a good, platonic friend. He was the fair-skinned, tall, handsome, and bubbly one of the three. The only one in the caucus who made me feel ‘not too bad.’ Somehow, word had gotten round that me, foolish me, had ‘received’ for Fred too, contending with Stacy, his ‘perfect’ match. I was the enemy of more than half of the group, and the fellowship – people who thought I had come to steal their precious Fred.

As fellowship rounded up one Sunday evening, Ed greeted me, and asked how I was, and if I would visit them over the following weekend. I hated to visit them. Aside the fact that my mother taught me girls should not visit boys, it would become news again like I was trying harder to seduce Fred. Things just weren’t easy for me in those days.

“I’m sorry. It’s my Dad’s birthday on Friday, and I’ll like to travel home to visit him,” I said apologetically, unable to run fast away from him, before someone caught us together and think I was now after this one since I couldn’t get the other one. Things were that bad for me. I couldn’t walk tall among brethren anymore.

“Oh really? Make sure you bring cake for me,” Ed said with a smile. I smiled and slipped away.

My dad’s birthday was the following Friday.

I had a hectic day with lectures and got home late at night. My sister had baked a big plain cake and a small chocolate cake. We had a nice time, and I cut a healthy portion of plain cake, and a small portion of chocolate cake – well, rationally according to the available sizes – for Ed. Of course, I had all of them in mind that they’d all share. It’s what I would do. If one of my friends come with two types of cakes, I’d like to have a bite off both.

When I delivered the cake to Ed, he exclaimed his thanks, and there ended the cake issue.

Or so I thought.

About five months later, exactly almost to the day, quiet, tall, dark, handsome, civil engineering student Fred proposed to me. He was so convinced I was ‘the one.’ I suddenly became unsure. Yes, of course, God had told me he would be my husband. I was sure. But so much had happened.

Five months ago, when I gave his friend cake from my dad’s birthday, few knew I was in contention with Stacy. But now, almost everyone knew. The pressure had mounted so much, I was virtually hiding from brethren. I could very nearly be stoned in public, because Fred refused to propose to Stacy, and had even begun to boldly tell people, she wasn’t the one.

Out of all that pressure, he came to me.

And one of the reasons he was so convinced was ‘the chocolate cake.’

And here is his story.

The pressure of who his future wife would be got to him, and he decided to pray. And when Ed came to the room saying he told me to bring cake from my dad’s birthday, Fred prayed to God and set a fleece. That I should bring chocolate cake specially for him from the birthday.

Now here was the joker.

When Ed got the cake, he rationalized within him that I must have cut that special cake for Fred and the plain one for the rest of them. So he gave Fred the chocolate cake, saying it was specially from me.

That settled the matter.

I married Fred fifteen years ago. We courted for over four years before then, and God has remained faithful ever since.

Before many (actually some) marry, they (especially families) will do their research. Before most invest, they will research portfolios, SEC statements etc
Before most organizations hire any staff, they will do research and back ground check.
Before most lending institutions approve a loan, they will do an extensive research, credit check etc.
Before most adopt, they will do genealogy research.

So what’s going on…
Why the lack of research on these pertinent life altering issues – especially life, love, faith and relationship matters ?
No more excuses, don’t believe everything you hear or see, ASK questions.

How you ask matters as it shows your intent but ask…ask, ask! Listen to this podcast. Click here: https://soundcloud.com/relationshipsdomatter/dont-believe-everything-you

Remember Relationships Do Matter!
pFlo

Single"is more than a STATUS, it really is, listen to this podcast: "Single & Loving It"- Day 15 http://t.co/4Db9SToYM8 #relationships